My dear Tara,
It is amazing to think that so much time has passed. In
truth, it is almost unfathomable. Yet here we are, sitting at the precipice of turning
40 and entering a new decade of life. So much of what is and where I have found
us to be, is not what I expected. So much of life is harder and simpler and
louder and deafeningly silent in ways that I had not understood or imagined.
Yet, as I said, here we are. So as we are turning 40, I
wish to give you, my younger self, notes on what I have learned.
#1. Life is Not
Black and White
When we were young, we put so much stock in right and
wrong. Rules were rules. It either was or it was not, but there was no in
between.
In truth, there is some safety, some security in this
ideology. There leaves little room for confusion and expectations
are clear.
But, there also leaves little room for compassion, for
understanding, for grace.
Understanding that life was not black and white was
painful. It shook the ground and rocked the foundation that you had planted so
much of your own truths on. Learning that grey existed resulted in confusion,
fear, and, honestly, some anger.
When you base your life on the ideology of black and
white, right and wrong, how can there be grey? What do you do with the grey?
How do you feel about people who live their lives in the grey? What does grey
mean for truth?
But, in time, understanding that life is full of grey
will actually become a comfort. The safety and security that you felt with
black and white will begin to feel constricting and dismissive.
Living in the grey is where you will learn about life.
Living in the grey is where you will learn about love. Living in the grey is
where you will meet God. Living in the grey is where you will eventually find
peace.
There are some truths that are still very much black and
white: murder, lying, hate, love. But most truths are really understood in the
grey.
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