#35. Life Choices
It is not uncommon that I am asked if I am going to go to Medical school or if I am disappointed that I am not a doctor.
When I was younger I knew that I could do anything. I was always encouraged by my parents and teachers and friends. I knew that I could grow up to be anything.
But I did not know any doctors.
And I did not think I was smart for a very long time. I am not a good test taker and I often struggled in school, so this had to mean I was not smart.
I thought about medical school briefly in college. But I thought people like me did not go on to be doctors. People like me; people not as smart, not as rich, not as privileged.
I had a few friends in college who were going to medical school. I was excited for them.
I knew I wanted to be something medical, but I really did not know what.
I did not want to be a nurse. I had this idea in my head that you wore a white dress and a little hat and walked around doing menial tasks. I did not want that.
I thought about being a physical therapist. That would compliment things I liked and would be interesting. But I knew some people who were physical therapists and they all told me not to do it. I never really understood why.
I did not even know what an occupational therapist or a speech therapist or a paramedic or pharmacist even did. So, in my ignorance, they were not options.
I learned what a dietitian was. That sounded somewhat interesting. So, I decided that would be it. I worked and finished 7 years of college (4 undergrad, 2 graduate, and 1 year of an internship) to become a registered dietitian.
When I finally started working as a registered dietitian, I was proud of where I was and what I was doing. I was working in long term care and I loved it. I loved my patients and coworkers and enjoyed what I did.
I worked with a nurse practitioner. I really did not understand what she did or what being a nurse practitioner meant. I asked and the more she explained, the more I realized that was what I wanted to do. The more I understood her role and her job, the more my heart sank.
So, in time, I got my things in order and went back to school to become a Nurse Practitioner.
I enjoyed being a dietitian and it is a noble and good profession. But it did not compliment what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be more involved in patient care.
I always felt, deep down, that I was called to do more.
School was good. It was the hardest, most intense, two years of my life. I hated it and loved it and was so happy when it was over. And so sad as well. It had given me the opportunity to prove so much to myself. It had given me the opportunity to be challenged and work and be pushed. I grew. I thrived.
Being involved in health care, I have learned a great deal these last ten years. I have worked with many medical students and residents and have had the opportunity to train and educate them as well. I realize now that I am and was smart enough to have gone to medical school and I could have been a doctor.
But I am not a doctor.
I will never be a doctor.
I went the long way around to do what I do. I got other degrees and did other things and in the end figured out what I wanted. It could have taken less time and been a shorter more efficient trip had I known a lot of things in the beginning.
If I had known then what I know now, would I have made different life choices?
It is a hard question to answer and one that I do not know for certain. But probably. I probably would have done a lot of things different if I had known then what I know now.
But not knowing then what I do now, I made the best choices that I knew how to make at the time.
Life choices are just a part of life. You do the best you can with what you know when you know it.
Do I regret not being a doctor? Sometimes.
Could I have been a doctor? Yes.
Am I proud of who I am and what I do? Yes.
Am I doing my best at what I am doing? Yes.
I am good with where I am, I am proud of who I am, and I know that I am doing what I was meant to do.
Even if I took the long way around.
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