Turning 40: Notes to My Younger Self. #34 Intention

#34. Intention

I walked in to work tonight and found myself thinking about how I really wanted to get serious about working out again.

A few moments later, I found myself in the physicians lounge eating some cocoa puffs.

As I left the lounge and walked on to the ICU, I realized this juxtaposition and laughed at myself.

Sometimes life is like that, we have good intentions about what we want to do or who we want to be or where we want to go, only to find ourselves doing the exact opposite of that which we intended.

I remember one of the first times I read the passage in Romans 7, I felt like my thoughts were on the page.

"I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what  I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want o do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it."

Often we are not who we want to be or do what we want to do.

We have good intentions, but we are human. 

My dear young self, there have been many times in life in which you have beaten yourself up for not being better or stronger or smarter. You have lost sleep and worried and struggled with your imperfections and berated your failed intentions. 

But, find peace in knowing you are human. You are not alone in your imperfection and failed intentions.

Forgive yourself, give grace, appreciate the intent, and try again tomorrow.