Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Post August 2nd

So, on Sunday I graduated. It wasn't a true graduation as we did not dress in all the regalia usually worn in graduation ceremonies. Vanderbilt only has one formal graduation ceremony each year and it is in May. This was actually a pinning ceremony in which they gave us a pin. But I graduated none the less. I haven't seen my diploma yet, it's coming in the mail sometime next month.

Pinning was somewhat disappointing. It was very anticlimatic. I had expected something much more exciting or grander. It lasted an hour. Then the past two years were over. I saw most of my friends in the lobby and we congratulated one another, gave each other well wishes, and before I knew it, I was back in the parking garage pulling out for the last time.

So what am I going to do now? That is the million dollar question I have been asked numerous times over the past few months. The answer is, I don't know. I have to move in two days, I don't know where I'm moving to. I've applied for nearly 100 jobs and I really haven't heard anything unless it was to say they weren't interested. I've applied for anything from graduate RN jobs to full fledge critical care ACNP jobs. Something will come up - I know that. But I had wanted to have it all settled so that I could move where ever I needed to go. Needless to say, I've been a little stressed.

I had wondered a great deal how I was going to feel on August the 3rd. I suppose that since graduation I have felt shocked, it was all so fast and furious I can't believe it's over. Mostly what I have felt though is lost. I'm not sure what to do with myself now that I have nothing to do. I don't know where I'm headed. I don't know where I'm going. I don't like waking up without an agenda. I don't know how to relax. Having such an intense schedule the past 2 years has created a constant underlying level of anxiety. That anxiety haunts me througout each day. I suppose it will eventually subside. It's funny because I want to relax for awhile, but I want to start life right now too. I suppose I'm always going to have somewhat of an internal conflict.

I graduated from Vanderbilt University on August the 2nd with a Master's of Science in Nursing as an Acute Care Nurse Practitioner.

I am Tara Sanders, MSN, RN, ACNP-BC (still have to test for this one), MA, RD, LDN.