I suppose I have been dreading, or maybe grieving,
turning 40 for years. Fearing that once it arrived I would be deemed a failure
for not having achieved so many of the things I had anticipated. Namely, having children. But it has
come and gone and I am doing fine. I have made peace with the things I have not
achieved and have embraced the things I have.
Last week, I ventured out with two of my sisters for my
40th birthday. We took a road trip through Oregon. We explored the
city of Portland, ate Moroccan food, ate at Camp 18, toured the Tillamook
creamery, sat and watched the sunset over the Pacific ocean, drove the coast,
missed the sea lions, went to a disappointing buffet, found the end of the
Oregon trail, got lost in Powell’s books, resided on the Salmon river, bought
some art, stood in awe of Multnomah falls, shopped at the Goodwill, ate a
VooDoo doughnut, drove to the state of Washington, and stopped in at Ikea.
It was a beautiful trip. We drove winding country roads
and saw the ocean and the mountains and rivers and streams and brilliant leaves.
Beautiful tall trees, blue rocks, stellar jays, We ate ethnic foods, and ice
cream, waffles, lots of clam chowder, and a doughnut that was okay. We talked
and laughed and rested. We rested. We sat in awe of the beautiful creation that
surrounded us everywhere we looked.
I have lived in many different places and climates and
landscapes. I have always been so deeply fed by the beauty of this earth and
the creation that it is. Sitting outside is often a respite to my soul. Being
in Oregon was a feast of beauty that will reside within me for some time and
feed my soul for a while. I am not sure how I ended up in the wasteland that is
Dallas that boasts significant concrete and limited trees. But even in this
wasteland, there is beauty to be found, it just requires intentional looking.
Moving forward, I reflect on the 40 notes to my younger
self and I rest in #40. I know that I am loved and I am so very thankful.
