Tuesday, March 26, 2013


Ruthie’s gotten lazy. But then whose fault is that?

My Dad recently sent me an e-mail with the heading being “I’m guilty”. This peaked my interest and when I opened the e-mail it was an article titled “Sitting is the Smoking of Our Generation”.  I read the article and it gave me lots to ponder.  

On my most athletic day, I ran 10 miles, swam for 3 hours, and quarterbacked an intramural flag football game. I was fit. My body was fit. I was 22.  

Now I’m 33. I’m not fit. Working crazy hours had resulted in weight gain at times and at others weight loss. I frequently eat unhealthy meals on the run or grab quick foods from the cafĂ©. I’m chronically exhausted and spend a significant amount of my “off” time sleeping, napping, or watching TV in a zombie like state.  

I would never smoke, truthfully I abhor it. But, to my horror, I sit. I’m a sitter.  
In less than 5 weeks I’m running in a half marathon. Chara and I are running the Oklahoma City Memorial-half marathon on April 28th. When I signed up, I thought about my 22 yo days and was hopeful that I’d jump on a fitness bandwagon and reacquaint myself with my old athleticism. But I needed to get moved, then I needed to get adjusted to my new job, then I needed to get adjusted to working nights. Now I just need to get motivated.  

I can blame my schedule in part. It’s crazy and chaotic and prevents routine. But, in truth, you don’t have time until you make time. I need to make time.  

I’ve thought about canceling my cable (I watch entirely way too much TV), but there are days when I truly must recover and I use TV to aid that. I thought about getting off of FaceBook (I spend way too much time on FB), but I stay connected to way too many people from way too many places I have lived.  

Plain and simple, I just need to move.  

Motivation is usually ignited by passion. I need to find ways to get passionate about moving.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Foggy Memories: My Journey Back to Senatobia, MS

I claim Tennessee as my home. I claim to be a Tennessean. I was born in Memphis, in Shelby County.

 But the truth is, I didn’t actually live in Tennessee until I was 15 years old.

The truth is, we lived in Mississippi when I was born. I was born in Memphis because that was the closest hospital. So, I can say I’m a Tennessean, but the reality is, I got my start in Mississippi.

We lived in Senatobia, Mississippi from 1978 to 1985. I was born in 1979. Those years were exciting, unpredictable, extremely stressful, foundational, and beautiful. I have foggy memories of these times. They’re more known’s than memories: faces, smells, feelings, senses, comfort, love.  Known truths, known peace, known comfort, known community, known trust, known expectations.

The ages of 0 to 5 are times we don’t always remember, but we learn so very very much.

This weekend, after 20 years, I journeyed back to that place. I went to Senatobia. I saw those faces, smelled those smells, knew those feelings and senses, felt that comfort, and embraced that love.

It was odd to be in that place as an adult, to meet those people again for the first time. Some memories came to me, distant foggy memories, but mostly the known’s flooded my senses.

So many people said to me, “you probably don’t remember me…”, but the truth is, more often than not, I did. I knew their faces. I knew them.

So many people said, “You will never know what your family meant to us”. And the truth is, I don’t. I wasn’t on their end and was too young to appreciate that.

But, what they will never know is what they meant to my family. They will never know the reverence their names have had the past 28 years in the Sanders home. They will never know the infinite impact their example's have had on our lives. They will never know the sincere and deep appreciation I have for their kindness to my parents and my sisters and me. They will never know the place they hold in my heart despite the passing of time, despite my significant youth.

I drove past our old house yesterday. I saw 4 little girls. I saw old pictures come to life. I embraced the known’s of my life.

Thank you Senatobia, Mississippi, for giving such a beautiful foundation to the foundational years of my life.

And may it not be another 20 years.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Being Where You Are

You can’t be in two places at the same time. You can’t achieve one thing by doing another. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

I think this is where I’ve been.

The problem with that is that you become paralyzed. You sit on the fence and therefore never declare yourself, your stance, or your goals. You can’t more forward for looking backward.

New beginnings frequently result in self-reflection, which often results in self-evaluation, which, hopefully, results in self-growth.

I always want to be better, stronger, but especially smarter.

I can’t move forward by looking back.

You take what you’ve left behind, the positive and the negative, and you build on it. You use experiences and gained wisdom to build a better, stronger, smarter future. You don’t forget where you’ve been, what you’ve learned, or how you previously functioned; but, you don’t let the past dictate your future.

There is positive and negative to everything. It would be great if we could take all the positives and build something and forget all the negatives, but life doesn’t work that way. Positive and negative rest within things; having non-compatible means allows for the opposition to be seen, allows for truths to be gained.

Working at Vanderbilt is nothing like working in Dallas. Working at Vanderbilt is a lot like working in North Carolina. Working at Vanderbilt is nothing like working in North Carolina. But I’m not in Dallas or North Carolina. I’m in Nashville at a different hospital doing a different job at a different time.

Some shifts you are amazing and rude all in the same night. Some situations lend for peaceful confrontation and mending, some situations do not. Thankful for those times when two professionals can talk respectfully to one another; take time to hear both sides of the story; each acknowledge the right and the wrong committed by both parts, and still walk away colleagues.

Our perspectives dictate our attitudes and actions. Perspectives aren't always reality. Sometimes, as easy as it sounds, it’s hard to be where you are. But sometimes the most important thing you can do, is to simply be where you are.

"Be still, and know that I am God
Psalm 46:10