Wednesday, December 8, 2010


So its been 6 months now that I have lived in Raleigh, NC. I moved here July 3rd and I find myself working a 24 hour shift tonight December 8th. So many things have happened, occurred, and challenged me. Everyday is a new opportunity for me to grow, learn, and evolve.

Is it everything I wanted it to be? I'm not sure that I had ever designed a clear idea of what I wanted, so I'm not sure that I can honestly answer that question.

Do I like my job? Yes. It is challenging. Duke Raleigh isn't the busy metropolis of Vanderbilt or even OU. I miss taking care of really really sick patients. I miss working with residents and interns and fellows. I miss having discussions about the most up to date articles and listening in on an impromptu lecture by renowned Attendings about who knows what critical care topic. I miss wearing light blue. But Duke Raleigh is training me, teaching me, and molding me into the Acute Care Nurse Practitioner I've always wanted to be. Not having residents and interns affords me greater opportunities to preform procedures because I don't have to fight for my turn. Duke Raleigh is a small community and reminds me a lot of NHC Place (a place I dearly love and miss). Duke Raleigh allows me some autonomy that would be difficult to achieve at other places. As I've always said there are positives and negatives to everything.

Moving and becoming accommodated to a new environment has been challenging as I knew that it would be. It's always hard to start over. I can't say that I miss Oklahoma as it is not my home, but there are aspects of Oklahoma that I deeply miss. I miss my condo a great deal, it was truly perfect for me. I miss being close to my parents and other family. I miss a couple of friends. At times, I really miss being a nurse, but then I smell poo and that thought leaves me (not that I don't still help clean poo from time to time. but overall, there is not a great deal I miss about my time in Oklahoma. I miss Nashville, Brentwood, Franklin, Concord Rd., my home. I miss the comfort of having 100s of people know me in a way that only time provides. I miss having a place where everybody knows my name. I miss knowing all the roads inside and out, the shortcuts, the best places to eat, I miss home. I miss the people. I so dearly miss the people. I miss the land, the trees, the hills, the smell of the air in that place, the cleanliness of the medians, the manicuredness that is Williamson county. I miss my home. I don't know that that grief of losing Nashville will ever leave me. I don't know that I will ever stop missing my home. Maybe in time. It will forever be my benchmark.

Moving has afforded me Ruthie. That little dog has brought me so much comfort, joy, peace, entertainment, love, and companionship. If I never have children I will forever be thankful for Ruth. Each day with her is a blessing. As silly as it sounds I truly believe that God created her just for me. For that I am forever grateful.

I don't know how long I will sojourn in this town, how long I will live in the place, work at Duke Raleigh. But for now I'm okay with where I am and what I'm doing. I never imagined I would find myself in this place, but I'm sure that it is much better than other places I could have found myself in.

Considering the extreme changes that have occurred in my life the past 4 years, I suppose that when I reflect on just the past 6 months of my life, I would say that for now I'm doing alright. And I'm good with that. I'm good with that.