Monday, June 8, 2015


She’s going to make an offer today. And then, within a matter of weeks, it won’t be mine.

I love this house, this yard. I’ve laid roots here: crape myrtles, gladiolas, azaleas, begonias, geraniums, oak trees; friends, community, life.
My time in Searcy has been beautiful. I have loved it. It has been a respite, a revival, a rejuvenator of my soul. I feel centered, refocused.

She wants to close much earlier than I  imagined. Forcing my denial to surface to reality.
I have missed the incessant beeps, the quiet hours, the midnight coffees, the smells, the fury that can come, the fixing. I have missed being able to walk out when the clock permits and know that for that moment I am done and not responsible. I have missed the hard conversations. I have missed helping them to pass. I have missed the good days of healing, of revival, of discharging them to the floor. I have missed the procedures. It has called me back.

I will miss the students. I will miss teaching. I will miss talking. I will miss forming those relationships and watching them grow. I will miss my colleagues who have taught me so much about a variety of things. I will miss chapel. I will miss the singing.
I will not miss grading.

I will miss this house, my home. My yard that I have relished working in. I will miss the bluebirds. I will miss the stillness of the patio and the beautiful view it implores.

I will miss College Church. I am so deeply thankful for the restoration of community, the reengagement, the realization of hope. I am thankful for dear friends who are heaven to me, who have showed me love, vulnerability, faith, acceptance, grace. I am so very thankful to have had a place, but even more, that a place was made for me.
As always, I do not know what Dallas holds. I do know, however, that God knows. He knows the plans He has for me.

Every opportunity has allowed me to grow. But I feel that I have not just grown, but flourished here. I leave with deeply mixed emotions. But I definitely leave with more than I came with. 

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