Growing up, I believed that I possessed less value
because I was a woman.
I felt less desired by God, less capable, less able, less
worthy.
Not being able to possess any type of leadership role in
church, despite being a very gifted leader, for simply being female, made me
feel oppressed, less than, insignificant.
Perceiving that my value could only be found in being a
wife and a mother made me feel dependent on a man and on actions to be worthy. Not
achieving those things has left me to feel like a failure.
A confusion has dwelt within me as to why I am not as
equally valued for simply being that which I am.
While there are many beautiful and, honestly, sacred
truths about being female, my tendency has, unfortunately, been to focus on
those things that have made me feel oppressed and less valued.
I am not ashamed of being female. I am just ashamed of
being less worthy.
This past year, I have spent some time studying
patriarchy and egalitarianism and tradition. This personal study has helped me
to view some things differently, to change my perception and have some paradigm
shifts.
My dear young self, so much of the perceptions that
have shaped your view of yourself in the lens of your gender have come from a
patriarchal tradition. While there is some value to be found in patriarchy, I
believe in egalitarianism.
In time, you will come to see some things differently and
realize that the tradition of patriarchy
that you have primarily been surrounded in, has gifted you the
confusion, the loss of value, the idea that you are less able or less worthy.
This was never intended by God.
You are worthy and strong and courageous and equal and
valued. You are so valued.
These are new concepts that we are still evolving to
appreciate. Be patient.
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