Turning 40: Notes to My Younger Self. #3 There is so much freedom in saying I don’t know.

#3. There is so much freedom in saying I don’t know. 

Impostor syndrome is a real thing.

When I was younger, I was terrified of not knowing. I was terrified that I would be found a fraud, a fake, an impostor.

I was afraid I would not be enough.

So, in fear, I always felt I had to have an answer. I had to know the right thing to say. I had to know the right thing to do. It was a fight to prove my competence, a fight to prove my value.

That fear comes from a lack of experience and a lack of confidence. Fear that often motivates an insecure individual to try too hard. Trying too hard often manifests as an individual who is a know it all.

The last thing I wanted was to be found as incompetent, as stupid.

With time, comes experience. With experience, comes maturity. With maturity, comes confidence. With confidence, comes competence. With competence, comes peace.

It is in being at peace with where you are, with what you know, with what you do, that you no longer feel the need to prove your competence, or your value. Time has already done that.

As time passed and I matured, I realized I was not an impostor. The thing which I feared was not. If my fear was not, then the action and response to it became not as well.

Ironically, competence often comes when you have the confidence to say, I don’t know.

My dear young self, one day, you will hear your self saying I don't know. There will be much freedom in that. Freedom from fear. Freedom from being thought an impostor. Freedom from insecurity.  The people you are talking to will still respect you, you will still respect you.