Over the years, I have had to have some seriously hard discussions with a lot of families. Discussions primarily focused on life and death. Mostly death. Discussions about how it will happen and when it will happen and what it will look like. It is in those discussions that I have had to really listen and meet those people where they are. It is also in those discussions that I have learned most about the perceptions people have, weather those perceptions were actually reality or not.
Often, during those discussions, people will ask me what I would do if it was my family member. And I will tell them. But, just as often, they do not ask. They do not ask and then the family chooses to do the opposite of what I feel they should do.
For a long time, I struggled with why they would make the choice that they did.
I struggled with what I perceived their choice to be.
Then, I realized one day, my ethics are not their ethics.
Just because I see the situation one way and the right choice as one thing, does not mean that they are wrong because they see the situation different and choose do something completely different.
Ethics are moral principles that govern a person's behavior or the way they conduct an activity.
Just because they possess moral principles that are different than mine, does not make mine any more or less valid. It also does not make mine any more or less moral.
My ethics determine my conscience.
Their ethics determine their conscience.
There are some things in life that are grey enough, that there is not necessarily a right or wrong, if it does not negate our conscience.
Because our ethics and morals guide our conscience, it is hard to appreciate that someone could have a different view point than our own or that their view point is not wrong simply because it is different. After all, their view is in opposition with our conscience.
In the past, when people would make decisions that I disagreed with, I would tend to argue with them and try to persuade them to see my perspective. I would try and get them to see my view point so that they would change their decision to align with my ethics.
But with time, and life experience, I realized that they believed what they believed to be right as much as I did. While I thought their decision was unethical, they often thought my suggestion was unethical as well.
Learning that my ethics are not their ethics has allowed me a great deal of peace and acceptance, has taught me a lot about my own conscience, and has taught me to be much more compassionate.
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